Cheetahmen II

If you were a young male growing up in the late 80's and early 90's, there was one thing you most certainly liked: the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. From their start in 1984 as comic book heroes (of which the nº1 cover is an absolute classic) , to the unbelievable success of the original 1987 - 1996 animated series, and 3 live action films (one excellent, one sort of good, and the last one dreadful) the Ninja Turtles attracted nothing less than a legion of followers.

All this is a shame, because it blinded the world to the glory of yet another half-man half-beast fighting ensemble, the Cheetahmen. As the name suggest, the Cheetahmen are a group of 3 Cheetah/Human hybrids, trained in the art of martial combat. They are also the main protagonists of two of the worst video games ever made.

For the time being, i will refrain from commenting on Cheetahmen I, as it is part of the world infamous Action 52 cartridge, which i will most certainly address in a future occasion. Therefore, i will now focus my attention on Cheetahmen II. If you, for whatever reason, tend to surf the Japanese Internet (BECAUSE YOU ARE A PERVERT*) you have heard of this game, since its music has spawned countless remixes on nicovideo.jp. The music in this game has been pawn as terrible, but that must have been by people who have never played the game, because if they did, the music would be the least of their concerns. Cheetahmen II was developed by Active Enterprises c.1992, but never released. However, in 1996, 1.500 reused Action 52 cartridges containing Cheetahmen II were found in a warehouse, and sold in the second hand market. It has since became a cult classic, prized by games collectors worldwide for its rareness and awfulness, fetching remarkably high prices in specialized auctions.

About the game: Cheetahmen I has set the back story for the characters. Dr. Morbis, an evil geneticist goes to Africa in a Safari, and kills a Cheetah, capturing its 3 cubs, in order to conduct evil experiences. The end result: the Cheetahmen. He later trained the 3 Cheetahmen in martial arts, for whatever reason. However, the leader of the Cheetahmen, Apollo (the other two being Hercules and Aires), a skillful archer and an accomplished scholar, began to question Dr. Morbis intentions, and eventually persuaded his brothers to turn against their maker. When confronted with its former minions, Dr. Morbis decides to create more Animal/Human hybrids to oppose them, and so he does. The game consists on the Cheetahmen fighting their mutant brethren. This is pretty much the back story of both games. It was explained in a comic book bundled with the Action 52 cartridge (the idea was turning the Cheetahmen into a cash cow like the TMNT, with comics, action figures, animated series, whatever). It should be noted, however, that the NES version of Cheetahmen I features a introductory movie, where a young gamer was pulled into the tv screen by some mysterious robotic entity, and becomes the Cheetahmen (yes, all 3 of them, it's weird and I didn't really fully understood the damn movie, so whatever).

Throughout the game 6 levels, you play the three Cheetahmen, 2 levels each. The second level ends in a boss battle, and then the current Cheetahman morphs into the next. The game is terrible. The controls are non responsive, collision detection virtually inexistent, the enemies usually either fly at eye level or crawl in the floor. The damn Cheetahmen cannot crouch, and it is extremely hard to attack while jumping. To make matters worse, they often come in pairs, one flying, the other crawling. This means that most enemies cannot be killed, nor avoided, which makes the game extremely difficult, and the best way to clear the levels is by using the various exploits the game allows due to its numerous bugs and glitches. The last two levels cannot be played unless you manage to find a patched ROM, because a programming error does not allow access to the said levels, UNLESS... you are lucky enough to trigger a glitch which makes the game BEGIN in those otherwise unattainable levels. In fact, the game is glitchy as hell:

The good: it is one of those games, so bad it's good. The music is just weird. It has a good general sense of WTFness.

The bad: everything

The ugly: don't even get me started on that

It is strange, it is bad, it is WTF. And to think that this was the best effort by a software company to create something remotely similar to the TMNT franchise is another prime example of corporate greedy optimism shown only by the likes of Atari 2600 and its E.T. game (one could argue PAC-MAN as well, but it DID sold 7million copies). So, give it a try. You can find the game here and a NES emulator here. I have no idea if this is the patched ROM that allows access to the last levels. I didn't play that long, and seriously doubt that you will.

Screenshots by Fox Kitsune. Check the review here.

* It's a joke. You don't have to be a pervert to surf the Japanese Internet, although it helps.

Metal Gear: Ghost Babel

(Disclaimer: in the following review i will assume that you are familiar with the PS1 game Metal Gear Solid, and to an extend, with its predecessors, Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake to the MSX2. If you aren't, most of it will make little or no sense at all, and will most likely look like the rumblings of a mad man. Ohhh right, and it contains spoilers regarding the official MGS timeline, not the Ghost Babel one though)

I'm finally out of jail, and I'm back! Seriously, I'm now over educated and under employed, which means i have plenty of time to play games and write shit about them.

Metal Gear: Ghost Babel, released in Europe as Metal Gear Solid (like the legendary PS1 title), is a year 2000 stealth game for the GameBoy Color. Produced under request from Konami Europe, it features the talents of the man itself, Hideo Kojima, as producer; and Shuyo Murata, who would later co-write MGS3: Snake Eater and co-direct MGS4:GoP.

(BTW, I'm fully aware that the screenshots are shitty, but its the gameboy resolution, and they were either taken from a PSP or taken from wikipedia, so give me a brake)

About the game: once again, you take the role of Solid Snake (and not Raiden, AHAHAH), and your mission is to infiltrate another fortress (sort of), and destroy another Metal Gear, this time, codenamed Gander. This game does not follow the official Metal Gear timeline, presenting an original and alternative plot, despite adapting some elements from the 1998 PS1 MGS. According to it, the events at Zanzibar Land never came to pass. After the destruction of Outer Heaven and the death of Big Boss, Snake retires from FOXHOUND, and moves to Alaska to pursue his love of moonshining and dog sled racing. However, seven eyers after the the events of Metal Gear, a separatist group from "wherever in Africa", called GLF occupies what remains of Outer Heaven, rename it to something stupid, and steal a Metal Gear prototype, and so it begins.

The supporting cast is somewhat reminiscent of MGS, with Col. Campbell and Mei Ling being similar to the original game. The new characters, in a way or another, tend to replace the original ones, in similar functions. Ronard Lesenbrink replaced Natasha Skdfjnskdfnenko (I made that up) as a weapons tech, Brian McBride replaced Master Miller (my ass!!!!) as someone who tells us shit we do not care about, and James Harks aka Jimmy the Wizard, a teenage wonderboy, replaces Otacon in every way, including being annoying as hell and being able to generate an enormous  amount of murdering hate towards himself. Finally, Meryl is replaced by Delta Force chick Chris Jenner, who, just like Meryl, is there pretty much to look good, but in 8-Bit.


The bosses themselves are your usual Metal Gear variety, reminiscent from several bosses from the MSX titles. They all belong to the Black Chamber, yet another renegade elite special forces unit, this time led by Black Arts Viper, a boobytrap master. Besides him, it features the talents of Slasher Hawk, who has two boomerangs (seriously, what's wrong with a bullet), Marionette Owl, puppet master and serial killer extraordinaire, and finally, Pyro Bison, just a regular guy with a flamethrower. The Final Boss (lets not call it Big) is this dude named General Augustine Eguabon.

Storywise, this title is very good, and when i say very good, i mean VERY GOOD. Ignoring the events of Zanzibar Land and Shadow Moses, it is free of the later retcons that made things weird, and delivers a powerful story about political intrigue and espionage. It exposes the hidden agenda behind Operation Intrude N312 and N313, and elaborates on the character of Big Boss, but this time without the existence of the Patriots or the Boss. It is a great story, and to be honest, whoever wrote the plot of Portable Ops surely could learn a thing or two from this title.
The gameplay is pretty much like a classic MSX title, but is able to include several mechanics from the PS1 game, a remarkable feat considering the limitations of the GameBoy color. Don't let this review fool you, this is a VERY VERY GOOD GAME.


The good: everything, truly a master piece. if you don't take my word for it, check it
The bad and the ugly: never mind that.

Ok, this is how it goes, if you are one of those new HUGE MGS fans, who really liked the graphics and have played MGS4 like 3 times, and manage to get a fuckin chicken emblem in easy, GTFO, this game is TO GOOD FOR YOU.

If you are one of those guys who remember the tv ads from 1998 and played the game, take a shot at it. It might look outdated but it is the last classic Metal Gear game out-there.

If you are one of those guys who played everything, including Portable Ops and the MSX originals (or the Subsistence re-releases, which are very ok, except that Big Boss no longer looks like Sean Connery, which was funny, because Solid Snake, who in turn is a clone of Big Boss, actually did not looked like Sean Connery at all, but rather like Mel Gibson, which is weird, because, to my knowledge, Mel Gibson is not a clone nor resembles Sean Connery in any distinguishable way. Confused? I figured so), and even went as far as to obtain a GameCube just to get Twin Snakes (yup, i know your pain), and you haven't played this yet, what the fuck are you waiting for??!!!!!!!!

If you are one of those guys who managed to beat MGS: Integral with Big Boss ranking in order to get close and personal with Mei Ling AND you actually know what I'm talking about, than you have already played this game and you know how good it really is.

Get a decent GameBoy emulator here. I'm going to level with you here. I use RIN GB/GBC 1.32 RM for the PSP, so i have no idea which one to use. You can get the game here. Never mind the Suns of Liberty box in the page, it's the real deal.

Raid Over Moscow

Ahhh, the good old times of the Soviet Union, where a bad guy was always available, without having to rely on some weird and uninspired covenant. That's right, today we have a relic from the cold war, the 1985 hit (at least in Finland), Raid Over Moscow. Developed by Access Software, it was published under the US Gold label for the Atari 8-bit series, the C64, the Amstrad CPC, the BBC Micro, the ZX Spectrum and the Apple II.

About the game: The player takes the role of a USAF stealth fighter pilot. The objective is to prevent soviet missiles to reach US cities by destroying their missile silos before the clock runs out, eventually destroying Moscow nuclear facilities. What was great about this game is the fact that each phase had its own gameplay (most games of the time simply add more and/or faster enemies between levels).
The game starts with a overview of the northern hemisphere, where the soviet silos are shown. When the missiles are fired, the player has to take a fighter out of a space station (!), and flight it to the appropriate silo. What is interesting about this is that since the fighters take off from a space station, it is done in vacuum and 0G's, forcing the player to account for inertia. Today, this is very cool; in 1985 it was mindblowing.


In the 2nd phase, one has to navigate through the soviet ground defences. It plays pretty much like a Gradius-style shooter, but you can control altitude as well. If you fly to low, you'll face ground defences, if you fly to high, you'll be picked up by radar and shot down by SAM missiles. Once again, unbelievably cool.


The 3rd and final stage, the player, now on foot, has to destroy the Kremlin defences,in order to gain access to the main nuclear facility, kill the boss, and put an end to the soviet nuclear project. This is done in a bare-chested, testosterone-pumped commando-style, destroying the Kremlin with a shoulder-mounted rocket luncher.



All in all, a very very good game.

The good: almost everything, an excellent game.
The bad: the 2nd phase is very repetitive
The ugly: nothing worth mentioning

Tip: the game is a little tricky. In order to open the hangar doors, gain some altitude and press F8. But be careful, too much altitude and you'll crash above the door.

Trivia: this game became huge in Finland because a communist friendly member of the Finnish Parliament questioned its legality, therefore generating drama, which in turn, generated high sales.

The Commodore 64 version can be found here. Run it on a most excellent C64 emulator and have fun.
Check the retro skills page CCS64 section for instructions on how to set up CCS64 emulator.

Chō Aniki Bakuretsu Rantō Hen

Cho Aniki Bakuretsu Ranto Hen, meaning something like "Super Big Brother Whatever" is, unlike its predecessors, a fighting game. Developed by Masaya and published in 1995 by Nipon Computer Systems Corp. for the SNES/SuperFamicon, its the 3rd instalment of the Cho Aniki series.


About the game:
While the first two titles from the series, Cho Aniki and Ai Cho Aniki (both for the PC-Engine), were horizontal shooters, this title is a street fighter like fighting game. It takes iconic characters, often from the backgrounds, of the previous two games, and pitch them against each other in single combat. The series is renowned for it surreal feeling and homoerotic (!) graphic style. None was lost in this new instalment.
BTW, the second game, Ai Cho Aniki has one of the worst box art ever:

(Notice the holes in their foreheads? That's where they fire lasers from.)

In all honesty, the first games might just be slightly more WTF than this one, but I couldn't be arsed to look for them. But all in all, this one is just as good.

The good: it's surreal, the backgrounds, the music, the general sense of WTFness
The bad: the fights, it's a little boring
The ugly: nothing really.

It is Japanese, that says it all.
You can find it here, run it in a proper SNES emulator, like ZSNESW, and have fun!!!

Syndicate goes legit. Official red tape

Syndicate aka the best game ever made, was released by the mitical Bullfrog Productions in 1993. Followed by an expansion and a sequel, its fame has endured throughout the years.


In march 31 2009, GamesIndustry.biz has confirmed that Starbreeze was working on a new title of the franchise, possibly a remake. However, no further information has surfaced, until now...

At the United States Copyright Office search:
Doc. Number: V3581 D054 P1
Doc. Number: V3580D346
Doc. Number: V3581 D049 P1-5
(for some stupid reason it does not allow linking)

These are might be good news. Considering what they have done to X-COM, cheerful nostalgia turned into dreaded anticipation.

Long live the King Duke

I’ve been busy. But, due to popular demand (1 person actually, but whose awesomeness makes this worthwhile, you know who you are), I’m back!!!

And with HUGE news!
THE DUKE IS BACK!!!! Yes, Duke Nukem is no longer dead.


2010 PAX will forever be remembered as a day of glory, when Gearbox Software announced that they purchased the rights to the Duke Nukem franchise, with the loooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggg awaited Duke Nukem Forever being released sometime in 2011.

HAIL TO THE KING BABY!!! [Kurt Miller]

P.S. I realise that this is hardly retro, but it would be, had it been released when it was supposed to.

Astounding breaking news: HALO no longer sucks (sort of)

In a truly unexpected turn of events, one man, Mr. Ed Fries, single handedly made HALO not suck, something deemed impossible until now.

In order to accomplish such world shattering deed, Mr. Fries summoned the awesome power of the Atari 2600, and here is the end result.


Mr. Fries, we salute you!

Neuromancer

One of the best games ever made, Neuromancer hails us from the bygone year of 1988. Made by Interplay and published by Mediagenic (best known today as Activision), it takes its name and setting from the homonymous novel by William Gibson.
Written in 1984, Neuromancer started the literary trend we know today as cyberpunk and is one of the best Sci-Fi novel ever written (Nebula Award, the Philip K. Dick Award, Hugo Award). Despite pre-dating internet, long stretches of the novel are set in cyberspace.

About the game:
Starting as a washed up console cowboy, you'll have to make your way through Chiba City underbelly, in order to recover your gear and go back online, and find out why so many of your fellow hackers are disappearing.Buy interacting with several characters and snooping around databases, you gain information and credits to by better hardware, software and skills.
Eventually, you'll be able to return to cyberspace, and take on powerful AI's.

The good: graphics (unbelievable for 88, expecially the AMIGA version). story. mechanics. sound (in the Commodore 64)

The bad: bit slow. sound (every other version but the Commodore 64 one). graphics (MS-DOS version)


The ugly: sound (MS-DOS and AMIGA versions)

The soundtrack is awesome. It's curious how the Commodore 64 version has the actual Devo song, while the Amiga one has synth sound, considering the last has much more memory than the first. In fact, very few games show the sheer awesomeness that was the Commodore 64 as this one.

Give it a try. If you can overlook the dated graphics, you'll play one of the best adventure game ever made. If you can, play the AMIGA or COMMODORE 64 version.

Tip: play with a pen and paper by your side, and write down everything.
Tip: the pc version works great with DOS-BOX.

The game is abandonware: you can find it here (PC version) or here (Apple IIGS version, sounds much better than the Apple IIe one)

And so it begins

There's one thing you should know about me, i'm lazy. And being lazy, i decided to post the best worst game ever first, in case i decide not to post anything else, ever.

Now, there are bad games (like HALO), and there are BAD games (like HALO 2), and then there is this. Made in Venezuela for the MEGA DRIVE (that's the Genesis for you, my colonial friends), Crazybus is about busses, or should i say autobús. Other than that, i really can't say more. It has to be played to be believed.

Because i'm everyone's best friend, you can find it here. Btw, it's public domain, so no copyright infringement here, which is something i would never do, ever, honestly. Run it on fusion (freeware) and see for yourself.

About the game:
It's a bus simulator.

The good: WTF IS THIS?!!!!!
The bad: WTF IS THIS?!!!!!
The ugly: Set your speakers REALLY loud before you start.

To be honest, i haven't realized how you win. Damn, i haven't realized IF you can win. HELL, i haven't realized if you ARE SUPPOSED to win. Just do RIGHT for forward, Left for BACKWARD, and press A to honk the horn. Trust me, you wont regret it.

Disclaimer, and other stuff

Welcome to Might of DOS!

Despite the title, this blog won't focus only in DOS games, but in old games in general. The title is an homage to that which still is my favorite OS (yes, i have a favorite OS) to date.

In here i intent to bring the best, the worst and the WTFest of retro gaming. In here will be expressed my views alone, and because this is the Internet, i can.

Now, without further delay, my first post.